Everyone has his or her own story. Some much more painful then others, and most are rarely shared. Do you ever look around you and wonder what others stories are? As an empath I can tell you that even without trying I can sense others pain, and know that their story is rich and weaving. It is a great conduit for me to know and understand that not much that others say and do has anything to do with me, and it helps to bring compassion into my heart for everyone. Knowing that my soul is not any different from anyone else, and my container means nothing in the scheme of it all, helps me to remain humble; from breakdown to breakthrough.
I am sure you have heard the quote “life is a journey”. Not only it is a journey but it is also about learning lessons from everyone we meet. It is about karma. Will we choose to listen and embrace the lessons or continue to make the same mistakes every day, or every lifetime for that matter? Whether you are amidst breakdown or breakthrough, know that good and bad are only temporary. We are light and we are darkness. Embracing that concept will help you to breakthrough whatever is currently in front of you.
Do I have all the answers? I assure you VERY far from it. I did recently have a major breakdown in my life, over a number of years in fact..and it took quite the effort to begin to see the light of breakthrough. So although I do not have all the answers, I can assure you coming pretty close to my own demise I have learned an awful lot about this life and myself.
What have I learned from it all that I want to share with you?
You are enough. In every day, in every moment, you are enough. You don’t have to be more, or do more, or buy more to be who you are meant to be. You are enough does not mean that you will never need help, or that you will never make any mistakes. But if someone makes you feel like you are not enough or tells you that you are not enough, in action or words……walk away.
Stop blaming external forces and change your own story. I got sick. Really sick. Having a doctor tell me that I was in a life and death situation was really eye opening, and scary. “Life crisis” was the words the doctor said that rang in my head for weeks. I finally realized that I was allowing myself to play the victim in my situation. My health crisis was not due to something I was eating or not eating, or the fact that I did not exercise enough. It did not happen overnight either. There were some very clear patterns in my life that I was repeating. I was not taking the reins to change my own story. I was giving up and saying “this is just how it is”. The moment I had a catalyst in my life to hold a mirror in front of my face and encourage me to see the truth, I stood back up. They gently showed me the way. I changed my story. I healed, pretty quickly in fact. After YEARS of being sick. Do you need to change your story? It is scary….but you can do it!
Focus on what you can control. I know this may sound cliché, but it is more true than any of us realize. Over the holidays I found myself in some very tumultuous times. I was alone. I was really angry at things that had “happened to me”. I was nearing breakthrough but did not see it yet. One night laying in bed after talking to a dear friend in Arizona I realized I was placing focus on things I could not have possibly controlled. I had taken responsibility for all of it, I saw it as things that “happened to me”, and I was miserable. The phrase “happened to me” very much made me a victim….and I am no victim. I played situations over and over in my head to see how I could have changed the outcomes. I had to stop. I decided to make my mantra “Take control of only what you are responsible for”. I said it hundreds of times, thousands. I wrote in a journal about the events of the last 6 years of my life that brought me to where I was. I realized I took responsibility for the behavior of others often. I was reactive instead of being proactive. Now to be fair to myself, life had really thrown me a curveball….or had it? Perhaps breakthrough requires breakdown. Evaluate what you are trying to take control of or responsibility for. If it does not belong to you…put it down!
Focus on the good. Whether you are a pessimist, optimist, or realist has everything to do with how you are going to feel, think, and act. And if you think you are doomed to be a pessimist all your life..I challenge you. You can change it. You have the choice. You will fall down, you will have to start over, many times…but you can change it. I focused on the bad during these hard times in my life. To tell the truth, I had actually resigned to the fact that I would not get better and never see my boys grow up, and well…never find that love for myself, or for someone else. But guess what? I did. I changed. I made the choice. So can you!
Stop shoulding all over yourself. Bet that made you smile! I know we have all done it. I should _______insert your thoughts here___________. Does this line of thinking empower you? This line of thinking more often than not has nothing at all to do with what we want for ourselves. Insert societal pressure, judgment from others, or comparison to others. TOXIC. Stop wanting to do more. That is not the answer. The answer is being true to you, no mater what anyone else thinks. A friend said to me in the last couple of months….”Let’s make to be lists instead of to do lists”. It was a brilliant idea and one that I have since adopted in my life. I no longer say I should eat healthier, I say I want to be healthy and happy…it is so much easier and brings much better results. So stop shoulding all over yourself. It is ok for it to be all about you as you are today, you deserve it. After all, you are always enough.
Steps towards growth..
The first step to some of these changes in pattern of thought or behavior is realizing you are doing it. Everyone’s perception of reality and life is different. They will not match your own or your expectations…..so stop expecting so much from others and take care of you first. Start replacing the “bad with the good”. Things are what they are….but what they are can always be changed.
One last thing…..
One last piece of advice, embrace others for exactly what they do bring to your life. Whether they provided a lesson to be learned, painful or otherwise, someone who always supports you fiercely no matter what, or someone who truly accepts you for exactly who you are with no judgment and loves you unconditionally…embrace them all!