I have heard all the rebuttals about how hard it is to meditate. Many people give up before they even really give it a valiant effort. My response to the struggle is typically there is a reason for the difficulty, your mind is thinking about too many things. Yes, I do realize the incredible irony in that statement. There are things that we can do to help ourselves, and we should try them before we expect to be able to accomplish the goal. Mindfulness is much of the same. One of the main problems is that we over-schedule our lives, take on way too much, and pressure ourselves with a wide variety of ‘shoulds’. It is truly no surprise that getting our mind and body to quiet is a hard task, sometimes seemingly impossible. It is a re-training of our habits. It does take work. It can be for everyone. Can mindfulness and meditation practices help to manage anxiety? The answer is a resounding yes!
Fhew….that is good news, right?
Everyone is feeling added stress right now unless we never turn on a piece of electronics, and never talk to anyone about the happenings in the world, not many of us are immune. The research on meditation shows us that not only can meditation be helpful on some level for each and every one of us, but it also helps to calm us and keep us centered despite what is going on around us. That is the ultimate goal of these practices, to learn to be calm on the inside. To have healthier responses to struggle. This does not mean we will or should be happy at every moment. I do not want that to be misunderstood. We absolutely need to process our lives, not avoid them. What is important is that mindfulness and meditation practices not only help to manage anxiety, but they can make us so much happier as a whole.
They are two of the BEST coping mechanisms I know.
I do not want you to think of the word coping as a negative connotation. The definition of coping is “investing in one’s own conscious effort, to solve personal and interpersonal problems, in order to try to master, minimize or tolerate stress and conflict” (Wiki, 2020).
Coping is incredibly difficult without help, so #1 is to just love ourselves, even with our struggles. Our children need our help! I do not want to sound like a negative Nancy here, but the world is only going to become a more challenging place to live in, and we need to step up to the challenges and learn more skills. It really is the only way to function while in the eye of the storm.
I have great expertise and experience here in my own life. I speak from years of scouring books, taking online classes, reading studies, and having a meditation and mindfulness practice 15 years strong because I needed the skills. I never miss a day of meditation, and I practice mindfulness throughout every single day.
My story….just a piece
When I began my practice of meditation, my father had just passed, and I was thick in grief and grasping at anything that could help me to have a moment of peace in my head to function. As I type this, tears form in my eyes. Like so many of you have experienced grief in your lives, devastating grief is a pain like no other, and although we all grieve differently, we all need(ed) help on some level. I needed quite a lot. My father suffered so terribly that it took me the better part of one year to even be able to remember him healthy and happy and begin to process my grief in a healthier way. Meditation helped me to get me there. It helped to quiet my thoughts just a little so I could breathe. It helped me be a good mother to my then 6 month and 18-month-old boys. Alongside holistic therapy and hypnosis, it helped me to process and heal my grief.
I went to a yoga therapist who was teaching a meditation class, I walked in not sure what the hell I was doing. I was nervous and not sure it would help. I stayed for over a decade.
In the years following my fathers’ passing, I underwent multiple surgeries in a very short time period and was involved in a severe car accident that left me with debilitating chronic pain. I endured a divorce of a 20-year marriage and quickly became a single mom with no coparent. My adrenal glands began to suffer at the loss of my father and continued on a downward spiral through the years. It was a lot, and I needed many tools to help sustain me so that I could begin to heal. Why have I shared these dark points of my life? So that you know you are not alone in your struggles. If you feel like you have nowhere to turn, no help, and are losing hope…..I want to shine my light on you. Despite the struggles and illness that I endured over the years, despite the years of chronic pain and loss, I got through it with the help of the practices I have learned, and truthfully now I am not able to be without them.
Meditation
I enjoy meditation in a comfortable seated position, or even lying down if I am in pain or exhausted, but never to sleep. You do not necessarily need to sit cross-legged, but that is the traditional way. I like to sit atop a large meditation pillow, but any pillow will do. You do not need to purchase special tools. I also roll up a blanket or large towel and wrap it around and under my legs/knees to keep my feet comfortable. Do whatever you have to do in order to be comfortable. Let your hands rest on your legs. If you tend to round your shoulders, pull your arms closer to your body and turn your palms up to the sky.
Another thing that helps me if my mind is full is to move my body first. I typically do at least 20 minutes of yoga, but a walk outside in nature works, as does dancing it out to a favorite song or two. If you just sit and expect your mind to cooperate, you might struggle.
You can begin your meditation with pranayama breathing. These are specific breathing practices to help get you centered and your mind quiet. Follow this link here to learn a basic practice, then come back and continue on.
It is also important to mention that your mind will not be completely quiet, perhaps ever. I mentioned I have been doing this for over a decade, and I still have thoughts during meditation. Truly the goal here is to acknowledge the thought and give it permission to float away until a later time. Picturing them floating out the window or away on a cloud might be helpful. Give it a try. Sometimes I say (in my head), “I see you”, and then pull myself back. Sometimes I have to pull myself back a handful of times, sometimes dozens of times. Just keep going. You will always be better off than when you started.
Meditation breathing should be using your nose only. Inflating your belly on the inhale, and letting it collapse on the exhale. When I taught my children how to meditate, I had them say so (to self) on the inhale and hum (to self) on the exhale. That helps combat thoughts as well. My teacher taught me good qualities of breath are even, without pause, without sound, and without force. Do not focus on counting or having it perfect. Just let it be relaxed.
The best thing you can do is to try it! Keep trying it! Some days will not be the greatest, while others will be great. Every day is exactly as it should be. You are learning something new. Give yourself grace.
Mindfulness
Learning to practice mindfulness is really crucial to life. Over ten years ago I read Thich Nhat Hanh’s, “Peace Is Every Step.” It was one of many books that changed my life.
The beginning of Mindfulness is breath. This is what brings you back to the present moment. This does not need to be similar to meditation. Mindfulness is purposefully focusing your intention on the current moment and nothing else and accepting it exactly as it is. This should be cultivated in everything you do, in every moment of the day.
Here is one example of a mindful experience, happening much slower than you are reading it of course:
Begin to really notice things around you. You open the front door and head out for a walk around the neighborhood. Hear and acknowledge the sound of your feet hitting the street. Really see the trees, flowers, and grass blowing in the wind. You pass someone on the street. Smile at them, not just a casual look right through them, smile, but really mean the smile, be present with them and lock eyes for that moment. Acknowledge the transfer of energy that takes place. Feel the breeze on your skin. Is it cool or warm? Can you feel the hairs moving on your arm? Is the sun shining on you? Can you really feel your skin smile as this is what it has been waiting for? Can you hear birds? Really open your ears and listen. Focus on this sense. What is in their birdsong? Look up at the sky and see clouds floating by. Can you make any of them into shape? Contemplate how big the universe is and how lucky and grateful you are to be a part of it; yet how small you are in it. Feel your feet hit the ground. Feel the sensations in your feet, your legs, your back, and your arms. Maybe you notice a bee pollinating a flower. Stop walking and get up close. Look at all of the pollen on the bee’s legs and body. Think about the cycle of life. Thank the bee for all of the flowers, fruit, vegetables, etc. Smile and continue walking. This is one small example of true mindfulness. Truly being in the moment.
How do you think you would feel after this walk? I think it would be the best walk you have had in some time.
Hanh made one small statement in his book that I carry with me always, and when I feel overwhelmed at any moment I stop and use it. It goes something like this: “I inhale, I am a mountain, I exhale, and I am solid.” Sitting or standing strongly and closing your eyes is the best way to center while saying this. Another thing I have adapted from the book is: I imagine a willow tree. One of the bigger trunked trees, solid, strong, grounded. Its branches are very pliable, bendable, flowing. Imagine this when you feel overwhelmed. You are graceful and bendable, but you do not break.
The more you practice mindfulness during your day, the calmer your overall demeanor will be. It can be done while driving, doing dishes, cooking a meal, and while at work. In doing this your brain is being retrained and you will be able to find calmer in your day, and in your mind-body.
I have provided a few resources for your below to further your exploration of these two practices. My hope is that you try it and teach it to your children. As we move forward in this world, to more coping skills we have, the happier and more resilient we will become. Can mindfulness and meditation practices help to manage anxiety? Try it for yourself and see!
Wishing you abundant health and happiness,
Leslie xo
References
Coping. (2020, September 03). Retrieved September 28, 2020, from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coping
Hạnh, N. (2013). Peace is Every Step. Bantam/AJP.
Resources
The Little Book of Mindfulness
The Miracle of Mindfulness: An Introduction to the Practice of Meditation
The Tapping Solution: A Revolutionary System for Stress-Free Living
Please note that I am not a medical practitioner. The content of this website is provided for general informational purposes only and is not intended as, nor should it be considered a substitute for, professional medical advice. Do not use the information on this website for diagnosing or treating any medical or health condition. If you have or suspect you have a medical problem, promptly contact your professional healthcare provider. By using this website, you assume full responsibility and liability for your own actions.
