Is there anyone that is stress-free? Some say that a small amount of stress is healthy, as well as that there is “good stress” and “bad stress”. There is one thing I can agree with, that stress reduction is just as important as stress management…and this all starts with our attitude and a whole lot of self-care/self-love.
When we look at things logically and with a clear head, we can see that even our youngest are under stress. School, sports, strict schedules and always being on the move can stress out parent and child alike.
It took some effort to really step back and realize that both of my boys are stressed out. Not only are they both empathic as I am, they have issues in their lives that are very real for them. Once I began to sit down at the end of every day to talk with them about what their fears really are, was I able to hold space for them better than I ever had before. And as a result, they have the ability to do that very thing for their friends. It is a beautiful sight to behold in a 9 and 11 year old….making this momma proud!
Now let us look at how hard life can be sometimes for us adults. Adults have very real problems…and many of us do not hold space for others, forgetting that even in the worst of moments…that everyone has a story, everyone has wounds, and everyone struggles…just as you do.
Ego often takes precedence over spirit. Myself, included, sometimes when we are so buried in our own stuff we forget that others have real problems too, and maybe even more important, that others may be suffering.
So do we suffer in silence? Do we speak up? Do we ask for help? Asking for someone to hold space for us does not mean that we are looking for our problems to be solved, for anyone to truly “get involved” or anything of the sort.
You can hold space for someone by just being there. You can offer gentle, nonjudgmental support and guidance. By simply being there, you can make a big difference in someone’s life. By me telling my boys that I am there for them no matter what they are feeling or what they think they have “done”, it immediately reduces their stress. By showing them that their feelings are normal..and even expected, helps them to release the attachment they have to it. Separating yourself and becoming non-attached is THE single most healthy thing you can do for yourself at any given moment.
What Else Can We Do?
There are a few things that we have done that have improved things in our home in addition to truly being non-judgmental and holding space:
*We have stopped overscheduling. Sometimes in life, it is more important to “be” than to “do”. Let me tell you how painful this was for my kids at first. DO NOTHING? They thought mom had lost it. But now they actually ask for quiet time, and “most of the time” they are much more even keeled and forgiving of each other.
*I make them say things out loud, sometimes in front of the mirror like “I love me”, “I am good enough” and “it is ok to make mistakes”. This was as hard as you could possibly imagine..and sometimes they still struggle with it, but more often than not we giggle through any awkward moments and they do amazing…(and feel amazing afterword too).
*We as a family have had to make plenty of time to shut down our electronics. This is actually a “cause” of stress in so many ways. The more we can disconnect with our electronics, social media, and games and get back to real life relationships, nature, and self-care….the less stressed we are.
Other than helping nudge their own attitude and beliefs in the right direction, we utilize aromatherapy to get us through the tougher moments, as we as a family have been handed a rough share of things in the last couple of years, as many of my readers likely have as well.
My boys have diffusers in their rooms, a variety of aroma inhalers, and have their favorite oils. My oldest loves Sandalwood Santalum album, Red Mandarin Citrus reticulata, and Roman Chamomile Anthemis nobilis (on their own), but he is most affected by Lavender Lavandula angustifolia. My youngest says “just make me some magic mom”, but he is most affected by Sweet Orange Citrus sinesis.
I have had many a-ha moments with kids in particular, but we aromatherapists know that they have a most profound effect on all of our emotions…some would consider them magic…myself included.
What are you inhaling today?
Like so many practices in life I encourage you to become educated on the proper use of essential oils. When using them, please do so cautiously, understanding that there is often misinformation on the internet. You can be assured that I support only educated and proven resources. While essential oils should not be feared they should be respected and used properly to ensure the safety of the individuals using them.
Please note that I am not a medical practitioner. The content of this website is provided for general informational purposes only and is not intended as, nor should it be considered a substitute for, professional medical advice. Do not use the information on this website for diagnosing or treating any medical or health condition. If you have or suspect you have a medical problem, promptly contact your professional healthcare provider. By using this website, you assume full responsibility and liability for your own actions.