I am honored to share my latest guest blog post by Virginia Joy Musacchio (V.Joy) MA, CCA, CBC., Categories of Grief & How Using Essential Oils Can Help. Joy has been working with and teaching about essential oils for over 30 years. She owns and runs Stillpoint Aromatics offering over 400 organic, wild-harvested and biodynamic oils. V. Joy teaches aromatherapy certification programs and weekend workshops as well as classes on metaphysics and emotional wellness. She also offers aromatherapy consultations and “readings” for wellness.
Categories of Grief & How Using Essential Oils Can Help
Grief by definition by Merriam Webster is deep and poignant distress caused by or as if by bereavement. One thing that all types of grief have in common is loss. And depending on the severity of the loss is the severity of the grief.
There are sub-categories so to speak of grief.
- Anticipatory Grief – this happens when we have sadness or sorrow when dealing with an impending loss.
- Grief “Normal Grief”-If there is even such a thing as normal grief. In this type of grief, we are able to move through our life and deal with the feelings that arise from the event. Eventually, the grief is integrated and we can move forward and even sometimes grow from the experience.
- Catastrophic or Traumatic Grief – This type of grief, levels us. It can freeze us in time. This type of grief occurs when the event changes our lives permanently and we are never the same.
- Delayed grief – This type of grief occurs when that event or death is not dealt with at the time but years later.
The above types of grief are personal friends of mine. With my mother’s impending death from cancer 36 years ago I experienced anticipatory grief in watching her and waiting for her to die. My father’s death fits into the category of normal grief. I was filled with sorrow when he passed, but I lived on. However, my mother’s death was catastrophic and my world ended when she passed. It is now 36 years later that I am dealing with the delayed grief of her death.
So now the question becomes, what to do with this. The most important thing when dealing with any type of grief is to NOT suppress it. One of the worst things that one can do is go on anti-depressants. All the pill does is make an intolerable situation or emotion tolerable. It creates a fake floor and the trauma is not dealt with and does not go away. The only way to allow healing and integration is to feel it, go into it (as uncomfortable and scary as that is).
So now the thing is to find “things” to help us do this. The hopeful news is that there are many things and actions that we can take that can help us on this journey and integrate the grief or at least learn how to walk with our grief. The point is not to make the grief go away, the point is to become friends with grief and develop the emotional courage to deal with the waves of grief that may continue to come for our lifetime (especially in traumatic or catastrophic grief).
- As I mentioned, the most important thing is to feel what you are feeling. Cry the tears, feel the rage, the sorrow, the hopelessness, the sadness, the anger, and stay with the feeling until it moves (and it will). Allow the feelings to pass.
- Developing a spiritual practice is imperative, as this will help you connect to what is greater than us and not feel alone or abandoned. Yoga (not for me), meditation and/or prayer help tremendously. These practices help harness the emotions and transmute the grief (even only if it temporary).
- Therapy… that is if you can find a competent therapist that understands grief. (Beware though, there are many shitty ones our there).
- Rituals such as burning incense in honor of your loved one, lighting candles, or talking to them every morning or night may help alleviate the feelings of loneliness, abandonment, and despair.
- Using essential oils is very powerful as the olfactory sense is the only sense that bypasses the Thalamus (brain), and has a direct and immediate effect on the limbic system and neocortex providing almost an instantaneous shift in the emotional body.
Being that I am a clinical aromatherapist, essential oils are my specialty, so here are a few essential oils that are quite helpful when dealing with the emotional body and grief:
- Neroli (Citrus var amara) – The oil for the emotional body. Wonderful for deep sadness, anxiety, depression, loss, and bereavement.
- Melissa (Melissa officinalis) – The oil for emotional shock and trauma.
- Rose (Rosa damascena) – The oil for the heart’s deep sorrow and for self-love.
- Cedarwood (any) – Cedarwoods provide comforting and support.
- Linden Blossom – Helps regain the sense of trust in the world.
- Fragonia (Agonis fragrans) – Helps restore the balance of the emotional body. Wonderfully calming and stabilizing.
- Angelica Root (Angelica archangelica) – Helps provide a feeling of protection and connection to whatever the Divine is for you
They can be diffused, blended in a crème, or used as a pillow spray before bedtime.
Allow yourself to honor and feel the grief. Be easy and gentle with yourself.
Blessings,
Virginia Joy
