What are the self-limiting beliefs that are holding you back? Do you often feel like you are not good enough?
We all have something, many of us multiple things that we believe as a result of our childhood or a traumatic event in our adult life that somehow hold us back and keep us playing small…..maybe some things are still muddy and unclear, that may come to you in an unexpecting moment like a light bulb or maybe even like a strike of lightning moment. This may be a moment where you will be able to pinpoint a thought or belief that you could not do previously and it makes so many things clearer than they have ever been.
As a child, I always had a nagging from my Dad that no matter what I did, it was not good enough (he phrased it as ‘could have been better’).
**Even at a thin 123lbs with muscles from here to there in high school…he ‘lovingly’ pinched my handles.
**When I scored 4 goals in a single soccer game, which was common, I was told how it could have easily been 5 or 6 if I had focused.
**And my favorite (which so many of you have heard time and time again), ‘If you only applied yourself in school, those ___’s could have been ____’s. For me, it was ‘could have been A’s’.
These are only but three examples…and as a result, I held myself back from my dreams, life experiences, and greatness. I even held the company of people who played this exact role in their own lives…and who held my beliefs for me, reinforced them…and I never even saw it.
When I was just barely 40, and my Dad had already passed, I paid a visit to my Mom and brought with me a journal that would prove to be very valuable in my journey. I sat down one afternoon in the California summer sun and on a whim wrote down all of my self-limiting beliefs…all of the things I felt were holding me back.
I pondered….and I learned a lot about myself.
And then after everyone but my Mom and I were asleep…I brought them to her, particularly my ‘not good enough’ syndrome. The only thing that was different at that moment was I knew I was good enough….I just felt someone else, a key person in my life…didn’t.
We sat up into the wee hours of the morning talking and crying and laughing. I learned that night that my Dad (I miss him dearly) mirrored to himself and others exactly how he was treated his whole life.
His brother, only 5 years his senior, raised him, as their own Father died in the war when my Dad was a mere 3 years old (that math is staggering for two young boys)….and my Uncle, well-meaning, was also a perfectionist….nothing was quite good enough.
My Mom gave me many examples, but this one stuck with me, even to this day.
My Dad came here to America from Germany when he was 18 on a boat with nothing but the clothes on his back, scared but brave because he could no longer live under the scrutiny and wanted a better life.
He struggled as he did not know the language, but he met my Mom shortly thereafter, made something of himself, and raised two strong women…even through all of this, turns out, it was because of all of this.
Fast forward to the story….some (40) years later when my Uncle came to visit here in America……he literally walked straight into the back garden, my Dad’s pride and joy, and proceeded to trim and cut and mow…for HOURS…..because my Dad had not done anything right….only at this point, my Dad was too ill to care.
It was that moment that I truly realized the power of mirroring and of projection….and rather than being angry with my Dad, I felt lucky…..because he shaped me..and without all of that I would not be exactly who I am today, incredibly strong and able to take on everything life has handed me.
The next day I wrote a letter, forgiving him as well as myself..and vowed to sever that lineage of perfection at that very moment…and burned that letter in the California sun.
Why am I telling you all of this?
I am a true believer that in me, in you, in all of us sharing these stories that we:
1. Do not feel alone.
2. Are more likely to speak up and share our stories with those that matter the most.
3. WIll be able to break free from our past, our self-limiting beliefs, and those who are holding us back to shine as the amazing beings we are…..because life is too short to do anything but.
Perfection is unattainable, undesirable….mistakes happen and without them, without gracefully acknowledging them, we would never stretch and grow and transform.
Sending love to you all 
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